I'm an individual who attempts to streamline both my aggressive and perfectionist qualities into an organized unity so as to fit in this world . How can I possibly do this? my aggressive behavioural complex tells me to forge ahead, to gain power over all others, to achieve vindictive triumph after triumph, to intimidate, and to be first at all costs. However, from my behavioural complex of perfectionism comes that annoying subliminal voice, "Do it carefully, slowly, perfectly", shame I'm impatient.
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In a life situation where I have attained a relative balance, or if i have achieved success in circumstances where I'm not threatened, I may appear as a quiet or fairly outgoing, well-mannered, somewhat stern individual. I may, like all other people, go through life uneventfully, although my relationship with others may be rather distant. I may appear as a relatively content, careful, reliable worker who is persistent and pays attention to detail, but I fact I am in constant battle with myself trying to make no mistakes and in fear of waiting for someone to start a fire, in which I'll act with no remorse.
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Despite my basic passive-aggressive tendencies, I may feel a strong need to interact with people, according to the dictates of the sociability that modern society demands of me, like at work (if I am to be part of a team I am to be part of a team). I may find myself in a life situation where I am constantly interacting with others in more or less stressful circumstances. I may then appear in one of two different forms. In one form, I am an individual who sees myself as a perfectionist worker, but whose aspirations are constantly being thwarted by the imperfections or malevolence and laziness of others. I then become a chronic complainer or chronic criticizer looking for battles. In a second form, I may appear as a fairly outgoing individual.
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I drive to high ambition, my lack of the narcissistic trait means that my ambition must be vested entirely in my aggressive drive. Since my perfectionist trait does not permit the overt use of force, I must use it quietly, unobtrusively, insidiously, obstructively. To a casual observer it may not be noticeably visible. If treated unfair, I become a manipulator, quietly accumulating all relevant information, collecting evidence, pondering over it, collating it, putting it into place, then using it for insidious, obstructive attacks on others I will also use it to batten my defensive perimeter. As I become manipulative, I become more and more mistrustful of others, including my superiors, my colleagues and my subordinates. And in this general mistrust of others, that I must say have been caused by others, I become more suspicious, more cynical and more paranoid.
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Despite my basic passive-aggressive tendencies, I may feel a strong need to interact with people, according to the dictates of the sociability that modern society demands of me, like at work (if I am to be part of a team I am to be part of a team). I may find myself in a life situation where I am constantly interacting with others in more or less stressful circumstances. I may then appear in one of two different forms. In one form, I am an individual who sees myself as a perfectionist worker, but whose aspirations are constantly being thwarted by the imperfections or malevolence and laziness of others. I then become a chronic complainer or chronic criticizer looking for battles. In a second form, I may appear as a fairly outgoing individual.
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I drive to high ambition, my lack of the narcissistic trait means that my ambition must be vested entirely in my aggressive drive. Since my perfectionist trait does not permit the overt use of force, I must use it quietly, unobtrusively, insidiously, obstructively. To a casual observer it may not be noticeably visible. If treated unfair, I become a manipulator, quietly accumulating all relevant information, collecting evidence, pondering over it, collating it, putting it into place, then using it for insidious, obstructive attacks on others I will also use it to batten my defensive perimeter. As I become manipulative, I become more and more mistrustful of others, including my superiors, my colleagues and my subordinates. And in this general mistrust of others, that I must say have been caused by others, I become more suspicious, more cynical and more paranoid.
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I may present myself as something of a high-strung confident extrovert. But in hindsight I keep to myself and I lead a fairly quiet life as a somewhat wary, withdrawn perfectionist achiever, I keep no friends. But with my aggressive drive frustrated to a muted level by my perfectionist behavioral complex, what emerges is a laconic individual who displays an imperfectly concealed deep dissatisfaction with life. I suppose this does not go unnoticed, and my acquaintances will sometimes accuse me, behind my back of course, of having an air of haughty superiority, which is not true.
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So what have I become from all those years of misunderstanding, mistreatment, and outcasting, a poorly adjusted individual, a moody, brooding character who isolates himself within his self-created magic circle of manipulation, suspicion, cynicism and paranoia. Whatever I achive in my life, will not mask the fact that I am essentially a loner.
So what have I become from all those years of misunderstanding, mistreatment, and outcasting, a poorly adjusted individual, a moody, brooding character who isolates himself within his self-created magic circle of manipulation, suspicion, cynicism and paranoia. Whatever I achive in my life, will not mask the fact that I am essentially a loner.
