But just like Dogenes (who carried a lamp in daylight to find a real man); I to am looking for a real person, I have found a few but they are few and far between.
Some
Some may know me, most don't, the ones who know me, understand me, the ones that don't, will never know.....MD
But just like Dogenes (who carried a lamp in daylight to find a real man); I to am looking for a real person, I have found a few but they are few and far between.
But just like Dogenes (who carried a lamp in daylight to find a real man); I to am looking for a real person, I have found a few but they are few and far between.
Three Words
I am what the call Idiosyncratic Solitary Conscientious type:
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Idiosyncratic;
1. Inner life. Idiosyncratic individuals are tuned in to and sustained by their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular worldview or approach to life.
2. Own world. They are self-directed and independent, requiring few close relationships.
3. Own thing. Oblivious to convention, Idiosyncratic individuals create interesting, unusual, often eccentric lifestyles.
4. Expanded reality. Open to anything, they are interested in the occult, the extrasensory, and the supernatural.
5. Metaphysics. They are drawn to abstract and speculative thinking.
6. Outward view. Though they are inner-directed and follow their own hearts and minds, Idiosyncratic men and women are keen observers of others, particularly sensitive to how other people react to them.
Idiosyncratic;
1. Inner life. Idiosyncratic individuals are tuned in to and sustained by their own feelings and belief systems, whether or not others accept or understand their particular worldview or approach to life.
2. Own world. They are self-directed and independent, requiring few close relationships.
3. Own thing. Oblivious to convention, Idiosyncratic individuals create interesting, unusual, often eccentric lifestyles.
4. Expanded reality. Open to anything, they are interested in the occult, the extrasensory, and the supernatural.
5. Metaphysics. They are drawn to abstract and speculative thinking.
6. Outward view. Though they are inner-directed and follow their own hearts and minds, Idiosyncratic men and women are keen observers of others, particularly sensitive to how other people react to them.
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Solitary;
1. Solitude,Individuals with the Solitary personality style have small need of companionship and are most comfortable alone.
2. Independence. They are self-contained and do not require interactin with others in order to enjoy their experiences or to get on in life.
3. Solitary men and women when around others are tempered. Stoicism, They display an apparent indifference to pain and pleasure.
5. Feet on the ground. Most likely say what they mean
Solitary;
1. Solitude,Individuals with the Solitary personality style have small need of companionship and are most comfortable alone.
2. Independence. They are self-contained and do not require interactin with others in order to enjoy their experiences or to get on in life.
3. Solitary men and women when around others are tempered. Stoicism, They display an apparent indifference to pain and pleasure.
5. Feet on the ground. Most likely say what they mean
Conscientious;
1. Hard work. The Conscientious person is dedicated to work, works very hard, and is capable of intense, single-minded effort.
2. The right thing. To be Conscientious is to be a person of conscience. These are men and women of strong moral principles and values. Opinions and beliefs on any subject are rarely held lightly. Conscientious individuals want to do the right thing.
3. The right way. Everything must be done "right," and the Conscientious person has a clear understanding of what that means, from the correct way to balance the checkbook, to the best strategy to achieve the boss's objectives, to how to fit every single dirty dish into the dishwasher.
4. Perfectionism. The Conscientious person likes all tasks and projects to be complete to the final detail, without even minor flaws.
5. Perseverance. They stick to their convictions and opinions. Opposition only serves to strengthen their dogged determination.
6. Order and detail. Conscientious people like the appearance of orderliness and tidiness. They are good organizers, catalogers, and list makers. No detail is too small for Conscientious consideration. Prudence. Thrifty, careful, and cautious in all areas of their lives, Conscientious individuals do not give in to reckless abandon or wild excess.
ADD maybe
A typical letter about my inattention at school dated 1979. Report cards of when I was in year 10 read much the same. At high school I had one writting pad for every subject, I did not do homework or asignments, did the teachers care, no
Studies (recent) have proven that some kids are bored at school, some kids just need a different way of teaching to learn, I was one. If being smart was all about music, do you think some of the famous musicians would be good at law? If being a world class motorcycle rider was the way, I wonder if Mick Doohan could do open heart surgery? My point is that everyone has a Gift.
My nature is to think beyond, not look back. I hate people whom claim to be smart just because they can memorise text book knowledge. I am an inventor, not a historian, I don't like to read, as reading has a background of something that has been done before, how boring (although I do understand its importance for some things). I also could not speak, write or spell well in school so it was best not to participate in most things. I think if I had of had a computer when I was a kid at school, my working life may have been different. I would have been either a scientist or engineer (yes... even though I would have had to learn text book crap to understand the basics).
No... I'm not an Perfectionist Aggressive.... am I?
I'm an individual who attempts to streamline both my aggressive and perfectionist qualities into an organized unity so as to fit in this world . How can I possibly do this? my aggressive behavioural complex tells me to forge ahead, to gain power over all others, to achieve vindictive triumph after triumph, to intimidate, and to be first at all costs. However, from my behavioural complex of perfectionism comes that annoying subliminal voice, "Do it carefully, slowly, perfectly", shame I'm impatient.
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In a life situation where I have attained a relative balance, or if i have achieved success in circumstances where I'm not threatened, I may appear as a quiet or fairly outgoing, well-mannered, somewhat stern individual. I may, like all other people, go through life uneventfully, although my relationship with others may be rather distant. I may appear as a relatively content, careful, reliable worker who is persistent and pays attention to detail, but I fact I am in constant battle with myself trying to make no mistakes and in fear of waiting for someone to start a fire, in which I'll act with no remorse.
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Despite my basic passive-aggressive tendencies, I may feel a strong need to interact with people, according to the dictates of the sociability that modern society demands of me, like at work (if I am to be part of a team I am to be part of a team). I may find myself in a life situation where I am constantly interacting with others in more or less stressful circumstances. I may then appear in one of two different forms. In one form, I am an individual who sees myself as a perfectionist worker, but whose aspirations are constantly being thwarted by the imperfections or malevolence and laziness of others. I then become a chronic complainer or chronic criticizer looking for battles. In a second form, I may appear as a fairly outgoing individual.
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I drive to high ambition, my lack of the narcissistic trait means that my ambition must be vested entirely in my aggressive drive. Since my perfectionist trait does not permit the overt use of force, I must use it quietly, unobtrusively, insidiously, obstructively. To a casual observer it may not be noticeably visible. If treated unfair, I become a manipulator, quietly accumulating all relevant information, collecting evidence, pondering over it, collating it, putting it into place, then using it for insidious, obstructive attacks on others I will also use it to batten my defensive perimeter. As I become manipulative, I become more and more mistrustful of others, including my superiors, my colleagues and my subordinates. And in this general mistrust of others, that I must say have been caused by others, I become more suspicious, more cynical and more paranoid.
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Despite my basic passive-aggressive tendencies, I may feel a strong need to interact with people, according to the dictates of the sociability that modern society demands of me, like at work (if I am to be part of a team I am to be part of a team). I may find myself in a life situation where I am constantly interacting with others in more or less stressful circumstances. I may then appear in one of two different forms. In one form, I am an individual who sees myself as a perfectionist worker, but whose aspirations are constantly being thwarted by the imperfections or malevolence and laziness of others. I then become a chronic complainer or chronic criticizer looking for battles. In a second form, I may appear as a fairly outgoing individual.
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I drive to high ambition, my lack of the narcissistic trait means that my ambition must be vested entirely in my aggressive drive. Since my perfectionist trait does not permit the overt use of force, I must use it quietly, unobtrusively, insidiously, obstructively. To a casual observer it may not be noticeably visible. If treated unfair, I become a manipulator, quietly accumulating all relevant information, collecting evidence, pondering over it, collating it, putting it into place, then using it for insidious, obstructive attacks on others I will also use it to batten my defensive perimeter. As I become manipulative, I become more and more mistrustful of others, including my superiors, my colleagues and my subordinates. And in this general mistrust of others, that I must say have been caused by others, I become more suspicious, more cynical and more paranoid.
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I may present myself as something of a high-strung confident extrovert. But in hindsight I keep to myself and I lead a fairly quiet life as a somewhat wary, withdrawn perfectionist achiever, I keep no friends. But with my aggressive drive frustrated to a muted level by my perfectionist behavioral complex, what emerges is a laconic individual who displays an imperfectly concealed deep dissatisfaction with life. I suppose this does not go unnoticed, and my acquaintances will sometimes accuse me, behind my back of course, of having an air of haughty superiority, which is not true.
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So what have I become from all those years of misunderstanding, mistreatment, and outcasting, a poorly adjusted individual, a moody, brooding character who isolates himself within his self-created magic circle of manipulation, suspicion, cynicism and paranoia. Whatever I achive in my life, will not mask the fact that I am essentially a loner.
So what have I become from all those years of misunderstanding, mistreatment, and outcasting, a poorly adjusted individual, a moody, brooding character who isolates himself within his self-created magic circle of manipulation, suspicion, cynicism and paranoia. Whatever I achive in my life, will not mask the fact that I am essentially a loner.
Solo Life
I lived like a swaggie on and off a few times in my life. Often to reflect on the past and consider the future. "So much time to think when one is alone" is it healthy to think to much, I'm not sure, but my guess would be that it is. Living on the road with nothing behind you or nothing in front of you would scare most people, but not me. I really enjoy this time alone and I have a constant desire to lead this life, yet my rational thought tells me to stay in main stream society and save for my retirement. What am I missing out on by not wondering around, never knowing what the next day will bring, what new job I could pick up, new skill I could learn.
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I am really not a people person, I'm not that comfortable around others, I like being alone. Most would see this as if I had a social problem, it's not that fact. Some people like being around others some don't, it's that simple. It is strange contradiction though that I seem to be the one whom makes conversation, the first to smile, the first to say hi, the first to offer help, the first to stand up for others, this is maybe because I have trained myself to not show my misanthropy side.
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I like this Painting below depicting a Swaggie Down on His Luck, I like that he sits there playing with the fire while pondering his life and times, even though it is a sad painting. I can see the similarity of this painting to the picture of me living on the road. I had not seen this painting before I took this self shot photo, but I was aiming to capture myself in thought.
Frederick McCubbin's Down on His Luck swaggie ponders life as an early visitor
Me, living on the road camping somewhere along the Murry River, thinking, "People just do not give a shit"
Me and Vincent
Starry Night painting by Vincent
Me and Vincent is just an insight to a bigger picture I am trying to paint. Vincent, as used here is to describe a person who is, in my words "gifted yet challenged". Most of the articles on this page relate to creativity etc and its links to some form of mental illness. It's interesting that most people who have pushed the limits and invented something (music, ideas, plays, engineering feats etc etc) have in some way been "strange" or "different". This is because you have to be this way to think of new things, only the dull and boring think of nothing, 99% of people are like this so it is no wonder that us creative minded people are call different.
I found this interesting, a letter by Vincent written to his brother, something I have often said this to myself since I was younger.
Vincent like myself, and like many other thinking, eccentric minds seemed to have a mental condition, all those years of outcasting, the black dog took his last bite and took Vincent away, a great artist yes, but in his day sold only 1 artwork, he was then a nobody, he was then an eccentric.
Letter to Theo, July 21, 1882 (age 29)
"What am I in the eyes of most people a nonentity, an eccentric, or an unpleasant person somebody who has no position in society and never will have, in short, the lowest of the low. All right, then even if that were absolutely true, then I should one day like to show by my work what such an eccentric, such a nobody, has in his heart." -Vincent Van Gogh
Also a quote from Vincent
"It is only too true that a lot of artists are mentally ill - it's a life which, to put it mildly, makes one an outsider. I'm all right when I completely immerse myself in work, but I'll always remain half crazy."
Read the other chapters on this page to really understand what it is like to be artistic, inventive or just a thinker!
Great song below about Vincent
Song Lyrics to Starry Starry Night by Don Mclean
Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.
Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.
For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.
Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.
Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...
I AM HIGHLY CREATIVE
I hate being creative, it makes me an outcast, no just joking, I love being different. I have talked to my psychologist about what has been written below, and there is without question a lot of truth to what has been said. My wish would be to be like others, but still have my inventive mind, my wish would be to not strive for perfection, but still show I'm keen to do my best, but most of all my wish would be to let other know who don't know, that my intensions and my desire to push the limits are not for others to feel as like I am competing with them, although this must be hard as I am always trying to improve things.
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All my life I have been punished for thinking differently, punished from all those weak social followers, the ones who are affraid of us creative people, they are the ones who live in fear of knowing that they have nothing to offer, their only win is to put down and pretend the are worthy, they are like the bullies at school, big, but such little heart.
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I have invented military weapons, devices to curb crime, things that warm the house, a bed, a motor, submarine recovery system, lifesaving boards, a helicopter anti rotation wing and all sorts of other things, I have written songs, poems done sculpturs and artwork. But why am I still poor (I got the Vincent Van Gogh spell) ? well mostly because I gave some of my ideas away, some of them were stolen by companies I worked for and also that it takes alot of money to make ideas, so alot of my ideas will never be realised to the public. Also just because i might be good at ideas, does not mean that i have the skills of a business mind, "some poeple could sell shit as a perfume, I could not sell shit to a fly"MD
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Here is an artical that I found fits me perfectly, and it was good to read the there must be many others that feel the same way. As this article says, I am leading a marginalized life as an adult – confused, frustrated, underemployed and in great psychological pain.
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Are You Highly Creative?- The Link between Unidentified Creative Abilities and Mental Health
By Mary Taylor, LCSW
By Mary Taylor, LCSW
Do you feel you are on a different “path” from most people? HELL YEAH!! Do you have a sense of imagination that, it seems, few understand? YES!! Have you ever been told you are “too sensitive,” “think too much” or are “too much of a perfectionist”?
If you answered, “yes” to any of these questions, you may be a highly creative person. Many highly creative people remain unaware that they are, in fact, creative.
The inability to identify highly creative individuals in and of itself may place them at risk for serious and longstanding difficulties in many areas of life. Without appropriate education and intervention strategies their problems often continue to escalate over the long term.
Why do so many creatively gifted people remain unidentified and struggling in our society?
One reason this happens is because of a mistaken notion about what creativity is in the first place. Most often we link creativity to an exclusively artistic activity or occupation, like playing the piano or painting a picture. This stereotype misses the real root of creativity – Creativity stems from a way of absorbing and processing information and experience. Through this process, new ideas, inventions, products and works of art are born.
This viewpoint acknowledges the existence of raw abilities that can be clearly identified and can exist independently of any specific task – abilities that can be directed toward the accomplishment of many endeavours and in fields that are often considered far from being creative.
Five significant creative abilities are:
High idea phoria - Having a naturally rapid flow of ideas;
Divergent thinking – A natural inclination for simultaneous and multifaceted thinking (used in addition to linear thinking);
High idea phoria - Having a naturally rapid flow of ideas;
Divergent thinking – A natural inclination for simultaneous and multifaceted thinking (used in addition to linear thinking);
Acute sensory skills – In one or more of the five senses (often exhibited in terms of having strong sensitivities to light, sound or visual images);
Strong intuitive capabilities – The experience of “knowing” something is true and being highly accurate without reliance on concrete information;
High emotional intelligence – Having an acute awareness of one’s own feelings as they occur, and the ability to be highly attuned to the emotions of others.
Strong intuitive capabilities – The experience of “knowing” something is true and being highly accurate without reliance on concrete information;
High emotional intelligence – Having an acute awareness of one’s own feelings as they occur, and the ability to be highly attuned to the emotions of others.
When Abilities become Liabilities
A frequent burden of having creative abilities comes from the fact that they cannot be “turned off.” For example, abilities of perception are continually at work whether one is actively aware of it or not. Creative abilities often become liabilities when they are not recognized, protected and given a meaningful outlet on a direct basis. This phenomenon can be considered the “double-edged sword” experience of having creative abilities in the first place.
Highly creative individuals may notice a tendency to become frequently tired, anxious or overwhelmed, but may not know why they are feeling this way. They may fail to understand that the tendency to absorb stimulation “like a sponge” can make them vulnerable to sensory and information “overload.”
Without receiving correct information about their abilities, they might attribute their symptoms to the wrong cause. Statements such as: “I’m too sensitive,” “I’m too much of a perfectionist,” and “I think too much,” are frequent, but often incorrect, conclusions many highly creative people make about themselves when they do not understand their abilities clearly.
These types of inaccurate and negative descriptions can do major damage to one’s self image. Attempts made at correcting a problem from this vantage point are frequently unsuccessful because the initial interpretation was in error. Over time, self-blame and an inappropriate approach to problem-solving lead many of the brightest and most creative individuals into marginalized lives as adults – underemployed, dissatisfied and often in tremendous psychological pain.
Many highly creative people are at risk of receiving an incorrect mental health diagnosis when their doctor or therapist remains unaware of their special needs and abilities. Some of the most common misdiagnoses are: mood disorders (depression, bipolar disorder), anxiety disorders, obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), attention deficit disorder (ADD), attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and social anxiety disorder.
If a diagnosis is incorrect, treatment will often be in error as well. For example, the failure to realize that highly creative individuals frequently become depressed when they do not have adequate outlet for their rapid flow of ideas may result in the recommendation for an antidepressant medication rather than a real solution to the original problem – adequate outlets (projects and people) for their highly productive thinking.
Of course, some people may have high levels of creativity and a mental health disorder. On these occasions, care needs to be given to identify each component accurately and address it on its own terms in order for treatment to be effective.
Many highly creative people are actually coping with two sets of problems – the problems of daily life and those which stem from having unidentified creative abilities. Failure to acknowledge this reality can lead to students receiving incorrect educational approaches in school (often from a mismatch between teaching and learning styles), and adults remaining in unsuitable careers and relationships while blaming themselves for their perceived “weaknesses.”
Crossing the Bridge from Adversity to Success
In order to prevent highly creative individuals from remaining at risk, specific action is necessary:
Withhold judgment or diagnosis of a particular problem until a thorough evaluation of the person and their environment has been made. All those who work in mental health, educational and vocational assistance programs should be aware of the link between unidentified creative abilities and the emergence of psychological, vocational, interpersonal and other difficulties.
Maintain awareness that a creative aptitude is often hidden under an easily recognized problem in daily life. Understand that the “problem” may actually be a symptom of something else – a raw ability that exists under the surface (like a pearl in an oyster shell). For instance, sensitivities to bright lights, noises or other people’s moods (a “problem”) may indicate the presence of strong perceptual abilities.
When creative abilities have been identified, determine if they are causing any repercussions in daily life. For example, having a sense of imagination that few people understand, can lead to feelings of loneliness and an experience of feeling “different” than most people. This determination is needed to establish a correct interpretation of one’s difficulties.
Develop an accurate understanding of creative abilities and identify how they can be used in a way that is personally helpful and meaningful. For instance, someone with strong perceptual abilities may excel in graphic design, research science or in other occupations that require one to be highly observant.
Identify specific skills that protect creative abilities from the “assaults” of daily life (so that the ability does not become a liability). For example, use meditation to counteract the effects of stimulation “overload,” or get rid of clutter in the environment to compensate for having naturally complex thought patterns.
Reframe negative labels into accurate descriptions. For example, the label “I’m too sensitive” can become: “I am very skilled at noticing things in my environment – I am a very perceptive person.” “I’m too much of a perfectionist” can become: “I am able to see things as they could be – I can imagine an ideal and work toward it.” And “I’m too emotional” can become: “I can feel my feelings and those of others very deeply – I am a compassionate person.”This process of reframing may lead to the awareness that one’s perceived weaknesses are actually strengths. Gaining an accurate self-knowledge can lead to a transformational process where one is empowered to live more fully from his or her own creative “space.” The confidence that arises from this experience may make it possible to bring one’s creativity into the world in ways which may not have been possible before. This often marks the onset of an authentic vocation.
When Abilities Become Liabilities - The "Double Edged Sword" Experience of Being a Highly Creative Person
The inability to identify highly creative individuals and their aptitudes, in and of itself, places many people at risk for serious and longstanding problems in many areas of life. This experience often includes the development of emotional and psychological problems, academic difficulties, the inability to find a suitable career or relationship, and generalized feelings of dissatisfaction with life and with oneself. Many highly creative people come to lead marginalized lives as adults – confused, frustrated, underemployed and in great psychological pain. Their deepest turmoil often stems from the fact that, although they may feel they are capable, they are unable to bring their talents into the world in a recognizable or tangible form. They often feel confused in their attempts to figure this “puzzle” out.
When creatively gifted do not fully understand their own, unique cluster of raw abilities (that is, their abilities as they exist independently of any particular task or endeavour), they are often at risk for the following difficulties:
First and Second Stage Problems
First stage problems are mental health problems that stem directly from the ability itself. Some examples of first stage problems are:
A depression caused by a lack of creative and intellectual fulfilment (from being in environments or surrounded by people who are creatively or intellectually under-stimulating).
Being overwhelmed by the difficulty of managing high idea phoria and divergent thinking patterns (having many ideas and thinking on many different “levels” at once).
Anxiety, irritability and fatigue caused by the combination of strong sensory skills and environmental stimulation.
Significant questions in making an assessment of first stage problems include:
“Am I ‘obsessive compulsive’ or do my finely tuned visual abilities mandate I create an environment of visual beauty and order?”
“Do I actually have a biochemical depression, or am I an imaginative person living among a plethora of concrete thinkers?”
“Do I really have ADHD or am I attempting to physically keep up with my numerous ideas and interests through multiple projects and activities?”
Second Stage Problems
Second stage problems occur when first stage problems are ignored or are attributed to the wrong cause. In second stage problems, the fallout from first stage problems causes a negative ripple effect in one’s daily life. Some examples of second stage problems are:
Identity Problems – Many highly creative people accept mistaken notionsabout themselves including beliefs of being “too sensitive,” “too emotional,” “too much of a perfectionist,” “thinking too much,” and having “too many ideas.” These negative descriptions can result in damage to one’s self image and failure to identify the raw ability that may be hidden under the perceived problem.It is important to note that the word “too” is a relative term. In my clinical observations, I have noted that “too” labels are often used by those who do not have as much of an aptitude as the one being described. Just as it would be inappropriate to tell someone they are “too intelligent,” since intelligence is a strength, creative aptitudes deserve the same respect.
Based on this understanding, it would more likely be accurate to say that those who are “too sensitive,” may have acute sensory skills, those who have “too many ideas” may have high idea phoria, and those who are considered “too much of a perfectionist” may possess keen visual or visionary abilities.
Rather than being considered weaknesses, these characteristics can often signal the existence of exceptional abilities that can be parlayed into a satisfying career.
For example, someone with strong visual abilities may excel in graphic design, research science or other careers that require one to be highly observant.
Adjustment Problems – Many highly creative people struggle because they do not see themselves or their abilities clearly. This can result in the experience of going from job to job or relationship to relationship and wandering through life desperately looking for a purpose.
This experience is often echoed by a recurrent theme: “I know I am an intelligent person. I can’t figure out why I have not been able to make more out of my life than I have.” As many highly creative individuals get older, the grief experienced by the existence of high ability and lack of outward success may also cause them to lose hope of ever fulfilling their creative potential.
Many highly creative people I have worked with describe feeling extremely “disconnected” or “empty” in relationships with individuals who may not share their level of emotional awareness, imagination or degree of intellectual complexity.
Academic Problems – Highly creative individuals often have aptitudes that lie outside the realm of standardized tests. (Standardized tests typically stress linear thinking and the logical/mathematical and linguistic range of aptitudes, to the exclusion of other aptitudes). This emphasis places many highly creative students at risk for poor test performance and the inaccurate conclusion that they may not be as intelligent as other students.
Academic problems of highly creative students can also stem from a lack of compatibility between learning style and teaching style. For example, when a linear-thinking teacher expects a divergent-thinking student solve a problem using a step-by-step approach, while excluding inductive and intuitive problem-solving methods, unnecessary academic difficulties often ensue.
Medical Conditions – In my psychotherapy practice, I have witnessed a high correlation between individuals with multiple creative aptitudes and the existence of certain types of medical conditions, most often in the form of allergies, immune deficiencies, thyroid problems and metabolic disorders. I believe that these medical conditions may be triggered as a result of:
Longstanding stress from not understanding why one feels “different” than most people;
Ineffective coping with chronic, unresolved difficulties;
Vulnerability to the development of particular kinds of medical conditions by virtue of having a naturally sensitive nervous system, particularly when it is not adequately protected from the “assaults” of environment and daily life.
It is important to note that first and second stage problems are not the result of something being intrinsically wrong with the person, but are the result of living with the fallout from unidentified creative aptitudes, or poor coping skills in managing them. Since creative aptitudes can not be “turned off,” (because they are physiologically-based), these problems are likely to be compounded over time if effective interventions are not employed. Until now, highly creative individuals have had few reliable places to turn, in order to sort out their confusion, resolve their problems and move forward with their lives.
Creative Mind Shares Traits with Mentally Ill
By Alison McCook Reuters
The wildly creative genius often walks a fine line, as many of humankind's greatest minds have edged into the darkness of mental illness. Now a new study shows that creative people tend to share more personality traits with the mentally ill than they do with the middle-of-the-road masses.This finding suggests that both creativity and manic depression, also called bipolar disorder, may share some of the same genetic underpinnings, Connie M. Strong of Stanford University in California told Reuters Health."Both bipolar disorder and creativity probably are genetically driven, and may be related to the same set of genetic predispositions," she suggested.Strong and her co-author Dr. Terence A. Ketter measured creativity and personality traits in 48 patients with bipolar disorder, 25 patients with depression, 32 graduate students pursuing creative disciplines and 47 healthy people pursuing a relatively uncreative path in life.Bipolar disorder is marked by extreme mood swings from euphoria and excessive energy to severe depression and hopelessness. These drastic swings can damage the person's relationships and affect their work, and sometimes lead to suicide. Depression is sometimes called a "unipolar" condition in that it is only one half of the equation that makes up bipolar disorder.
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Strong and Ketter found that both creative students and those with bipolar disorders shared several personality traits. Such individuals were more open, and more neurotic and moody than the other study participants, according to findings presented at the American Psychiatric Association's annual meeting held in Philadelphia.People with neuroticism tend to have more anxiety, lower self-esteem and lower tolerance for stress than other individuals, and they may feel alienated, victimized and resentful, the researchers note.In an interview with Reuters Health, Strong explained that openness is a trait associated with a willingness to embrace new experiences, as well as being imaginative, curious and unconventional.
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These traits are often found in creative people, she added.Because similar traits are found in those with bipolar disorder it might indicate that both creativity and the mental illness stem from a similar genetic predisposition."It makes sense that they are two potential outcomes of a shared predisposition," she said.Indeed, previous studies have shown that there is a much higher rate of bipolar disorder in creative individuals than those in the general population.Strong said that people with bipolar disorder might also have creative tendencies because they see the world in two ways, with the same surroundings appearing differently to them depending on whether they are feeling manic or depressed.This "double view" of the world could allow manic depressive patients to be more open, she noted, one of the hallmark traits of creativity.The bipolar patients that participated in Strong's study appeared to be many times as creative as patients with depression, and showed even higher levels of creativity relative to those without mental illness. In fact, creativity among treated bipolar patients matched that seen in the graduate students pursuing creative degrees.Strong added that it was important to note that bipolar disorder patients showed high creativity despite the fact that they were being treated for their condition. Many patients are afraid to take medication for their disorder out of fear that it will impair their creativity, but these findings seem to suggest otherwise, Strong said.
AT WORK
One thing I have come to realise in my working life is that no matter how hard I tried, how much effort I put in, most companies or should I say the people who worked for companies just didn't care. I have alway put in 110% into anything I do, that is just me, yet why am I the one who always ends up having to leave a job? the answer is simple..that lazy dogodders are the ones who get promoted and the hard workers are the ones who get frustrated and leave! (read my chapter on lazy work do gooders on my moralminded page) stay because they just do what has always been done, they love the comfort of not going beyond the same.
.
Before this dog was beaten and stood on, this is how I used to be.....
I prefered jobs that caused curiosity about the nature of things and about "what makes things tick". My motivational levels highest where activities allowed thinking focused on the inquisitive, exploratory, analytical, and experimental. I prefered not to read and follow, I prefered to experiment then lead. I dislike others who claim greatness from following what has been done before.
I regarded myself as talented, self-sufficient, and goal-oriented. I demonstrated independence in two ways:
1) Motivated to manage own operational, technical, professional, scientific, without management or involvement (unless working in a team where I tried to be a team player)
2) Manage the skills and abilities of others, personally but objectively, as "utility" in the process of getting things done. My prime driving force is to utilize what is at hand to accomplish occupational objectives. That could be done exclusively with my own talents and skills, or it could include applying the talents and skills of others. If it includes management of people, they are expected, perhaps even required, to perform at quality skill levels.
I was naturally motivated to put physical abilities and natural talents, whatever they may be, into immediate use in given situations calling on immediate responses. I was conscious of my mental ability and relied on my subconscious to jump into action to accomplish tasks. I prefered activities where agility, timing, rhythm, and ability with immediate functions, meaning that I prefered to practice something until it become second nature. I was somewhat a perfectionist and very hard on myself if I got things wrong.
I was interested in and consciously prefer to consider the existence, meaning, purpose, potential, and destiny of mankind, people, persons, and self; with self-felt, self-accepted responsibility to influence and/or cause good, growth, and gain in the lives of all concerned. I had intuition and philosophical curiosity that caused an awareness of personalities, intentions, emotions, ethics, values, and moods of other persons, and of myself, I was and still am highly in-tune with my emotional senses.
I was motivated toward activities involving mechanical engineering, including:
1) Mechanical awareness of assembly, fabrication, operation, leverage, motion, force, and power,
2) Design and/or draw technical plans,
3) Technical, statistical, and numerical analysis, and
4) Layout and installation. This highly motivated engineering orientation probably means professional dedication to a major engineering vocation.
I was highly motivated when given the task of identifying factors that are important for occupational use. This trait, comparing includes:
1) Awareness of the context (big picture) in which the factor or factors would or could fit;
2) Relationship of the factors to other factors within that larger context;
3) New possibilities of linkage or relationships of factors to the big picture; and/or
4) New possibilities of linkage or relationships of factors with factors in a new context. (NOTE: This is an important trait for research, technical activities, systems engineering, operations management, sourcing and administrative activity).
The preferences in my mind tend to be oriented toward systems engineering: identifying, analysing, and solving challenges and/or problems by collecting data, establishing facts, connecting abstract and concrete variables, drawing valid conclusions, determining appropriate actions, and devising strategies and systems to achieve objectives.
And lastly was very competitive. Nothing is as good as it should be or could be, Since my first job digging holes to planting trees from picking fruit, to working on systems to improve traffic flow for QLD government to inventing all sorts of things, I was in constant competition with myself to better myself from the last thing I’d done.
But all I am now is a worn out person who gave to much but got little in return. All those things that I have done to make others better off, has in a way, made me worse off.
I regarded myself as talented, self-sufficient, and goal-oriented. I demonstrated independence in two ways:
1) Motivated to manage own operational, technical, professional, scientific, without management or involvement (unless working in a team where I tried to be a team player)
2) Manage the skills and abilities of others, personally but objectively, as "utility" in the process of getting things done. My prime driving force is to utilize what is at hand to accomplish occupational objectives. That could be done exclusively with my own talents and skills, or it could include applying the talents and skills of others. If it includes management of people, they are expected, perhaps even required, to perform at quality skill levels.
I was naturally motivated to put physical abilities and natural talents, whatever they may be, into immediate use in given situations calling on immediate responses. I was conscious of my mental ability and relied on my subconscious to jump into action to accomplish tasks. I prefered activities where agility, timing, rhythm, and ability with immediate functions, meaning that I prefered to practice something until it become second nature. I was somewhat a perfectionist and very hard on myself if I got things wrong.
I was interested in and consciously prefer to consider the existence, meaning, purpose, potential, and destiny of mankind, people, persons, and self; with self-felt, self-accepted responsibility to influence and/or cause good, growth, and gain in the lives of all concerned. I had intuition and philosophical curiosity that caused an awareness of personalities, intentions, emotions, ethics, values, and moods of other persons, and of myself, I was and still am highly in-tune with my emotional senses.
I was motivated toward activities involving mechanical engineering, including:
1) Mechanical awareness of assembly, fabrication, operation, leverage, motion, force, and power,
2) Design and/or draw technical plans,
3) Technical, statistical, and numerical analysis, and
4) Layout and installation. This highly motivated engineering orientation probably means professional dedication to a major engineering vocation.
I was highly motivated when given the task of identifying factors that are important for occupational use. This trait, comparing includes:
1) Awareness of the context (big picture) in which the factor or factors would or could fit;
2) Relationship of the factors to other factors within that larger context;
3) New possibilities of linkage or relationships of factors to the big picture; and/or
4) New possibilities of linkage or relationships of factors with factors in a new context. (NOTE: This is an important trait for research, technical activities, systems engineering, operations management, sourcing and administrative activity).
The preferences in my mind tend to be oriented toward systems engineering: identifying, analysing, and solving challenges and/or problems by collecting data, establishing facts, connecting abstract and concrete variables, drawing valid conclusions, determining appropriate actions, and devising strategies and systems to achieve objectives.
And lastly was very competitive. Nothing is as good as it should be or could be, Since my first job digging holes to planting trees from picking fruit, to working on systems to improve traffic flow for QLD government to inventing all sorts of things, I was in constant competition with myself to better myself from the last thing I’d done.
But all I am now is a worn out person who gave to much but got little in return. All those things that I have done to make others better off, has in a way, made me worse off.
PRINCIPAL THINKER
"Creating order out of chaos" is my way of describing my will. Determined, logical, critical, I love a challenge, especially one that will allow tangible improvement in productivity, efficiency or profitability. I am direct, finding the quickest, most direct path between what is and what should be, I see no shades of grey.
I excel at implementing ideas and am always on the lookout for good ideas worthy of my attention. I am quick to lead, organize, orchestrate, find resources, coordinate, and follow through to the end of a project. I love a problem, especially one that will make full use of my competencies, my logic and sense of order, justice and fair play.
I find competition to be stimulating and fun, but I’m a fierce competitor. "These are the rules of the game now let us play." Fairness is sharing and respecting the same set of rules, so may the best one win. And since I readily acknowledge that there will be a winner and a loser, I would simply much rather be the winner. So I’ll hone my strategies on the fine knife of experience, logic and determination and sharpen my skills to meet the next challenge head on with no fear.
I love having greater challenges bestowed upon me as a result of having successfully met the last, as this attests to my competence and skills. I sometimes appear dispassionate because of my impersonal and objective approach, but close observation will reveal deep passion and enthusiasm as well as sensitivity, for what I do, I take things very serious. I expect others to roll up my sleeves as I do and meet any task in spite of personal hardships or discomfort, I have come to realise everyone has demons, so you might as well just get stuck in and do your best.
I have little tolerance for personal whims that threaten the smooth running of an operation, I hate slackers and do-gooders and Hierarchy. I am direct and honest with most things that displease me and expect others to be the same, this can often cause problems with peers and work colleagues, so do have to sometimes hold my words. My humanity shows in my sense of fairness and justice and my willing to lend a hand.
The world is never as it is, but as it could be, I view it as if it were but an artists sketch begging for colour. I initiate change impatiently and I am often prone to trespassing a few unknown boundaries to take myself to where I have not been before.
When inspired, I am fearless and tireless. My energy will know no limits unless red tape or hierarchy takes over (this ones a big one). Routine drags me down and boredom scares me. My faith in possibilities and belief in the benefit of change often inspire others to follow yet can inspire other to dislike me. I am challenging, ingenious and innovative. I will give my best to what appears to be an impossible challenge, I would die for my cause.
I use metaphors, stories, images and analogies to make my point, but I’m not that interested in replaying precise facts as my memory for fine detail is not that good anyway. I love theories and often shape my own. I see patterns emerging. I’m a keen improviser, I am rarely caught off guard; there is always something up my sleeve as I look into the future.
Lastly, I am very loyal if treated fair. I will protect the one’s whom trust in me, but gaining my trust does not come easy, but this alone makes a friendship strong if the moral boundary has been past. If you do happen to pick a fight and draw first blood, be prepared to have a fight, "start with something petty and I'll make it more". I am happy to step back if wrong, but if cheated, you will not be forgotten. If I know I'm right I will battle to the end. I may appear to hold my tongue and come across shy, but in most cases I am a few steps ahead as I am in constant strategic mode.
Creativity and Depression: Is There a Link?
I am getting more interested in this topic as you will read further on in this page, it makes sense. There are many stories of great thinkers that have
battled with melancholy (depression) because of the ideas they were trying to bring to life.
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The mad genius, the tormented artist, the melancholy poet. History is filled with writers, poets, artists, musicians, composers, engineers and other creative people who wrestled with mood disorders. A list of just a few of them would include Dickinson, Poe, Emerson, Dickens, Faulkner, Hemingway, Melville, Tolstoy, O'Keefe, Gaugin, Michelangelo, Van Gogh, Rachmaninoff, Schumann, and Tchaikovsky. But is this portrayal just a stereotype, or is there really a link between creativity and depression?
Prevalence of Mood Disorders in Creative People
This question haunted Arnold M. Ludwig, a researcher at the University of Kentucky Medical Center. He embarked on a 10-year study of 1004 men and women who were prominent in a variety of professions, including art, music, science, business, politics, and sports. Ludwig found that between 59 and 77 percent of the artists, writers, and musicians suffered mental illness (particularly mood disorders) compared to just 18 to 29 percent in the less artistic professionals.
Most studies on this subject have consistently shown higher rates of mood disorders in creative people, differing only in the magnitude of the results. Are creative people destined to experience depression or bipolar disorder ? Or does having a mental illness make people more creative? Kay Redfield Jamison, professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, addresses these questions in her book, Touched with Fire, and notes that most creative people do not suffer from recurring mood swings. In fact, the majority of people suffering from depression and bipolar disorder do not have extraordinary imaginations. "To assume that such diseases usually promote artistic talent wrongly reinforces simplistic notions of the 'mad genius," she writes.
Unraveling the Mystery
Why is it, then, that such a high percentage of creative people suffer from depression and bipolar disorder? Do these diseases enhance creativity in certain people or do characteristics of the creative mind render one more vulnerable to these diseases? The answers to these questions are uncertain, but a number of theories have been proposed.
Mania and the Creative Process
The manic phase of bipolar disorder is characterized by emotions and behaviours that parallel the creative process.
These include:
Original thinking
Heightened sensitivity
Increased drive and productivity
Increased fluency, fluidity, and frequency of thoughts
Tendency to use rhymes, idiosyncratic, and alliteration
Sharp focus
Intensity
Ability to function on limited sleep
Increased quality and quantity of word usage
Extreme anxiety
Psychosis
In certain people with bipolar disorder, these manic characteristics will enhance creativity. In contrast, the depressive phase of bipolar disorder is characterized by introspection, rumination, lack of interest in one's surroundings, and intense psychological pain—all of which can add depth and meaning to creative work. This may partially explain the profound creativity seen in many people with bipolar disorder.
The Social Challenges of Being Creative
One theory suggests that many creatively gifted individuals may suffer from depression as a result of being in environments that don't support their creativity. In her book, The Woman's Book of Creativity , C. Diane Ealy, PhD writes, "Many studies have shown us that a young girl's ideas are frequently discounted by her peers and teachers. In response, she stifles her creativity.” Other experts agree that suppressed and misunderstood creativity can lead to severe neurotic and psychotic behavior, addictions, unhealthy relationships, concealment of abilities, hopelessness, and depression.
Gifted and talented people are often divergent thinkers who have unusual, original, and creative perception and elaborate fantasies. They may disagree with authority, invest in their own interests, and express unpopular views. This can present social challenges, particularly for girls and women, as a result of a cultural expectation to conform. Gifted and talented people generally receive little acceptance for their unique selves, and may have poor self-esteem and difficulty trusting people. This situation can lead to feelings of isolation and frequent bouts of depression.
Gifted and talented adults are driven to express their inner creativity but may be hindered by self-criticism, self-doubt, and feelings of inferiority, says Mary Rocamora, who heads a school in Los Angeles for gifted and talented adults. When this happens, frustration can turn into hopelessness and depression.
Finally, creative individuals, such as writers and artists, often spend long hours working in solitude. When faced with various stressors they may not have as much social support as those who work among other people. This may result in increased stress, feelings of isolation, and depression. For this reason, it's helpful for creative people to develop outside interests that involve socializing, especially if their work is solitary.
Treatment Concerns for Creative People
According to Jamison, creative people with mood disorders are often reluctant to comply with drug therapies. These treatments may hinder their creativity by dampening mental processes, perception, and range of emotion. While it is still unclear if a true link between creativity and depression exists, creative people with mental illness require treatments that alleviate their symptoms and prevent serious complications, but preserve their ability to perceive vital human emotions.
Prevalence of Mood Disorders in Creative People
This question haunted Arnold M. Ludwig, a researcher at the University of Kentucky Medical Center. He embarked on a 10-year study of 1004 men and women who were prominent in a variety of professions, including art, music, science, business, politics, and sports. Ludwig found that between 59 and 77 percent of the artists, writers, and musicians suffered mental illness (particularly mood disorders) compared to just 18 to 29 percent in the less artistic professionals.
Most studies on this subject have consistently shown higher rates of mood disorders in creative people, differing only in the magnitude of the results. Are creative people destined to experience depression or bipolar disorder ? Or does having a mental illness make people more creative? Kay Redfield Jamison, professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, addresses these questions in her book, Touched with Fire, and notes that most creative people do not suffer from recurring mood swings. In fact, the majority of people suffering from depression and bipolar disorder do not have extraordinary imaginations. "To assume that such diseases usually promote artistic talent wrongly reinforces simplistic notions of the 'mad genius," she writes.
Unraveling the Mystery
Why is it, then, that such a high percentage of creative people suffer from depression and bipolar disorder? Do these diseases enhance creativity in certain people or do characteristics of the creative mind render one more vulnerable to these diseases? The answers to these questions are uncertain, but a number of theories have been proposed.
Mania and the Creative Process
The manic phase of bipolar disorder is characterized by emotions and behaviours that parallel the creative process.
These include:
Original thinking
Heightened sensitivity
Increased drive and productivity
Increased fluency, fluidity, and frequency of thoughts
Tendency to use rhymes, idiosyncratic, and alliteration
Sharp focus
Intensity
Ability to function on limited sleep
Increased quality and quantity of word usage
Extreme anxiety
Psychosis
In certain people with bipolar disorder, these manic characteristics will enhance creativity. In contrast, the depressive phase of bipolar disorder is characterized by introspection, rumination, lack of interest in one's surroundings, and intense psychological pain—all of which can add depth and meaning to creative work. This may partially explain the profound creativity seen in many people with bipolar disorder.
The Social Challenges of Being Creative
One theory suggests that many creatively gifted individuals may suffer from depression as a result of being in environments that don't support their creativity. In her book, The Woman's Book of Creativity , C. Diane Ealy, PhD writes, "Many studies have shown us that a young girl's ideas are frequently discounted by her peers and teachers. In response, she stifles her creativity.” Other experts agree that suppressed and misunderstood creativity can lead to severe neurotic and psychotic behavior, addictions, unhealthy relationships, concealment of abilities, hopelessness, and depression.
Gifted and talented people are often divergent thinkers who have unusual, original, and creative perception and elaborate fantasies. They may disagree with authority, invest in their own interests, and express unpopular views. This can present social challenges, particularly for girls and women, as a result of a cultural expectation to conform. Gifted and talented people generally receive little acceptance for their unique selves, and may have poor self-esteem and difficulty trusting people. This situation can lead to feelings of isolation and frequent bouts of depression.
Gifted and talented adults are driven to express their inner creativity but may be hindered by self-criticism, self-doubt, and feelings of inferiority, says Mary Rocamora, who heads a school in Los Angeles for gifted and talented adults. When this happens, frustration can turn into hopelessness and depression.
Finally, creative individuals, such as writers and artists, often spend long hours working in solitude. When faced with various stressors they may not have as much social support as those who work among other people. This may result in increased stress, feelings of isolation, and depression. For this reason, it's helpful for creative people to develop outside interests that involve socializing, especially if their work is solitary.
Treatment Concerns for Creative People
According to Jamison, creative people with mood disorders are often reluctant to comply with drug therapies. These treatments may hinder their creativity by dampening mental processes, perception, and range of emotion. While it is still unclear if a true link between creativity and depression exists, creative people with mental illness require treatments that alleviate their symptoms and prevent serious complications, but preserve their ability to perceive vital human emotions.
A couple of songs that I can relate too
I was introduced to this song a few years back by a freind who understood me and related to how i must be feeling about my life and why I was angry. I read in shock of the accurate picture it painted of myself. I can sit down and relate to every line, from radical plans to the lost battles to how I have been misunderstood, right down to my pointless points of view that I used to do on talk back radio. Billy Joel wrote this song, most likely discribing his younger life as a street kid.
Angry Young Man
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his working class ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl,
He's always at home with his back to the wall.
And he's proud of his scars and the battles he's lost,
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
Give a moment or two to the angry young man,
With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand.
He's been stabbed in the back, he's been misunderstood,
It's a comfort to know his intentions are good.
He sits in a room with a lock on the door,
With his maps and his medals laid out on the floor-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage
I found that just surviving was a noble fight.
I once believed in causes too,
I had my pointless point of view,
And life went on no matter who was wrong or right.
And there's always a place for the angry young man,
With his fist in the air and his head in the sand.
And he's never been able to learn from mistakes,
So he can't understand why his heart always breaks.
But his honor is pure and his courage as well,
And he's fair and he's true and he's boring as hell-
And he'll go to the grave as an angry old man.
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his working class ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl,
He's always at home with his back to the wall.
And he's proud of his scars and the battles he's lost,
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
___________________________________________
Here is a song written by Matchbox 20, called unwell. Explains how I feel most days as I struggle with acceptance on all levels of my life.
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
_____________________________________
"I am"... I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am"... I cried
"I am"... said I
And I am lost and I can't
Even say why
Leavin' me lonely still
_______________________________________
Angry Young Man
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his working class ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl,
He's always at home with his back to the wall.
And he's proud of his scars and the battles he's lost,
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
Give a moment or two to the angry young man,
With his foot in his mouth and his heart in his hand.
He's been stabbed in the back, he's been misunderstood,
It's a comfort to know his intentions are good.
He sits in a room with a lock on the door,
With his maps and his medals laid out on the floor-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
I believe I've passed the age of consciousness and righteous rage
I found that just surviving was a noble fight.
I once believed in causes too,
I had my pointless point of view,
And life went on no matter who was wrong or right.
And there's always a place for the angry young man,
With his fist in the air and his head in the sand.
And he's never been able to learn from mistakes,
So he can't understand why his heart always breaks.
But his honor is pure and his courage as well,
And he's fair and he's true and he's boring as hell-
And he'll go to the grave as an angry old man.
There's a place in the world for the angry young man
With his working class ties and his radical plans
He refuses to bend, he refuses to crawl,
He's always at home with his back to the wall.
And he's proud of his scars and the battles he's lost,
And he struggles and bleeds as he hangs on the cross-
And he likes to be known as the angry young man.
___________________________________________
Here is a song written by Matchbox 20, called unwell. Explains how I feel most days as I struggle with acceptance on all levels of my life.
All day
Staring at the ceiling
Making friends with shadows on my wall
All night
Hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for something
Hold on
I'm feeling like I'm headed for a
Breakdown
I don't know why
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Me
Talking to myself in public
Dodging glances on the train
I know
I know they've all been talking 'bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be something wrong
With me
Out of all the hours thinking
Somehow
I've lost my mind
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay awhile and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
I been talking in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're taking me away
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me
I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be
Hey, how I used to be
How I used to be, yeah
Well I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be
How I used to be
_____________________________________
This is just a few lines out of a song by Neil Diamond. The chair is a reference to the psychiatrist's chair. Diamond battled with this song for 6 months following a near-breakdown after divorce and a move from NY to LA. His failure to land the part of Lenny Bruce in the movie Lenny left him close to breaking point and Diamond was depressed. Diamond eventually took a 4 year sabbatical from performing after his landmark appearance at the Greek Theater in LA in 1972. I am I Said has a far deeper meaning than most casual listeners imagine. The song is a masterpiece by a great songwriter. By his own admission, Diamond spent months in psychotherapy and this song explains wonderfully his thoughts and feelings at the time. In Gestalt therapy, a patient projects his thoughts into an empty chair while a counsellor looks on making notes. This may well explain the meaning of the word chair. It is too easy to dismiss the 'chair' as a trite attempt to make a rhyme but Diamond is nothing but meticulous in his lyric writing and he has said that IAIS underwent countless rewrites until it said exactly what he wanted it to say. Diamond no doubt felt to alone and so alienated that he must have felt that no-one was listening to his tortured cries - not even the (psycho-analyst's) chair.
"I am"... I said
To no one there
And no one heard at all
Not even the chair
"I am"... I cried
"I am"... said I
And I am lost and I can't
Even say why
Leavin' me lonely still
_______________________________________
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